There is so much I want to tell you

So I will do three in this writing and save the rest

Kind of like how it is now with my mother, I want to tell her

In death, there is more life

You are more alive now and I have you with me

No longer limited by your physical form and struggle

Because you are free, I am free

So number 1 is Bill’s eulogy, oh my holy God, you were there, he was expressing his deep love and gratitude for you and how because you were an “all in” kind of person like Kwame Alexander says, be a “say yes person”, because of that he became that, less hesitant and careful and circumspect, well he didn’t say that but he was being that, it was an “ALL IN” eulogy, he was all in with both feet, nothing held back, he was being what he was honoring you for being.

Later many told me how proud they were of him and one man told me he learned okay, after all, it is okay for men to cry.

There is more about the eulogy but I am only giving myself 3 things today.

Number 2 is Burning Man. Based in crazy California, be real, and all in California.  A Celebration of life in the Nevada desert once a year, 80,000 people.  These are the people that follow in your wake, in your permission, in your let’s explore what it is to be alive and be in love with life and with each other and don’t miss it.

There are 10 principles of Burning Man, and I am telling you about the 10th, immediacy. Meaning actually, all in, go for it, go for it now.  If you see the opportunity, if you have the idea, go for it, don’t hold back, “seize the day”.  Kind of like if you are on the diving board on the edge of a cliff above  the lake, go for it right now, without discussion or hesitation.  Go up to that person and say hello.  Pick up the phone.  Invite them to sit down and have a conversation about what can’t be talked about.  We all know that journey and drink or eat or smoke or watch football or tell jokes to keep from getting that close.  You have been one to keep getting down to the bare bones.  I am so grateful for you and starting and making and maintaining Dorrier Underwood.

Number 3 is our Listening practice, Our slow listening practice.  After you died, all this came flooding back to me as the source of our creative work life together.  Having conversations that you don’t know where they will go.  What you have to say is based on what the last person said, not based on what you are saying to yourself while they are talking and you are not listening and you are waiting for your turn to speak.

I would love you to edit my notes about it!

Use this for creating something, for exploring an idea, for opening up minds and new solutions.

Or use it merely for developing yourselves as listeners. 

It is a very simple practice although not easy and goes against the culture of interrupting, changing the subject, competing for the floor.   Watch out as you work on this skill that you don’t judge the current culture of listening and the yourself and the people interrupting and changing the subject, etc. 

This is the practice:

Pick a topic you want to explore.

It could be a problem or idea in its early stages.

It could be a place where you’re stuck and missing creativity. 

Someone goes first and speaks.

The second person pauses briefly to let what was just said have a little breathing room, then says something based on what the first person said.

Person three speaks after pausing and says something based on what the second person said.

And so forth. 

Do not go back and refer to the earlier speakers’ sayings. 

Only refer to the previous speaker. 

lf it is just two people you don’t need a facilitator.

If it is a group, have a facilitator who calls on people to go next. 

You don’t need to go around, just whoever wants to speak can speak by raising her/her hand to let the facilitator know they want to speak.  Or the facilitator can just call on people if people are not volunteering.  The facilitator makes sure that everyone is participating.

Anyone is free to stop the action and keep the conversation on track reminding people to  have what they say follow the previous speaker.

This is a generative conversation.  You don’t know where it will go.  It will be magical.\

I am so happy to tell you these 3 amazing things that are from you.

i am so glad and very
merely my fourth will cure
the laziest self of weary
the hugest sea of shore

so far your nearness reaches
a lucky fifth of you
turns people into eachs
and cowards into grow

our can’ts were born to happen
our mosts have died in more
our twentieth will open
wide a wide open door

we are so both and oneful
night cannot be so sky
sky cannot be so sunful
i am through you so i

e.e. cummings