Since coming off of what seemed like 3 solid months of traveling (for work and pleasure), it seems like this year has gone by so quickly.  I’d forgotten what it takes to handle the details of my life, including all that goes into maintaining my health and wellbeing and overall integrity.

Through it all I’ve noticed my willingness to be patient and humbled and compassionate with myself (when I remember to be so,) and this generated way of being is what I’ve developed to interrupt my default way of being (annoyed and put out, and why do people have to make things so difficult and complicated anyway.) 

I started leasing cars sometime in the early 1980’s, trading in my current model every three years for a new (often different) kind of vehicle. I justified it by telling myself it was a good business strategy, being that I was with clients and prospects most of my career and I didn’t want the hassle of car repairs or breakdowns . 

Approaching 70, I’ve been looking at ways to reduce expenses and not having a lease payment makes good sense.

This essay is not really about my car or even ways to reduce expenses, it’s about my human process for going against the grain of my always done it that way, and what it takes to get something complete.

I have a three year old Mazda CX5 with less than 10,000 miles on the vehicle (thanks to the pandemic).  Even though purchasing the car made business sense, I’ve had to work with myself to stick with my plan, especially when my appetite for having a brand new car is deeply wired into some part of my identity.

And then there was the task of figuring out how to find the resources to make that happen, without incurring yet another expense.  Liz was my thinking partner on that one; she made it simple, but only after I labored over it and almost convinced myself it would be better to just  lease again.

This week, on Wednesday I actually paid off my car and I’m in the process of owning it, however, I didn’t make it easy.

After completing all the bank transfers to my personal Crowne Account I proudly walked into the local Chase Bank, with check in hand and was greeted by a bank representative, who said he would be glad to assist me.  Within a matter of minutes, Jason and I discovered that the purchase option at the end of the lease was not the same amount as the final payout. (How did I miss that detail?) Surely, the bank would let me put the difference on a credit card, but they wouldn’t.  So the check I was ready to deliver was no good and back to the house I drove.

Thank goodness it was only one mile and not on the other side of Atlanta.

Heading back to the bank for the second time  I brought my checkbook; surely we would get it complete this time.  Halfway there, I remembered some other paperwork I needed.  OMG, what is this going to take?  What am I resisting here? 

Dealing with my car is just one of many details I’m handling right now. 

This turning 70 and all that comes with it has been an eye opening experience.  I am indeed walking into new territory and maybe most of the way I have lived my life (done things) will be turned upside down and/or require new ways of thinking and living.

My current conversations with myself:

  • Slow down, Pay closer attention, read the fine details,  
  • What’s next with our clients?  Who is our next big client?
  •  What are all the steps for getting things complete?  And when I am so sure I’ve done that, what transformational moves do I have access to for helping me stay calm and focussed when any previously unforeseen details or circumstances arise? 
  • Meditate each day and start back working with a trainer
  • Is it in my calendar?  Not just my meetings and appointments………what about my other promises?
  • Where are all my documents (legal and otherwise)?
  • What do I want to write about?  
  • What are Liz and I creating for the next phase of our relationship?

A prayer of Gratitude from David Whyte